well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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