I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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