she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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