man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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