i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Are my feet made of real feet?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
