You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
