I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
