somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
