I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize