all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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