The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Houston, we have a blender
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
