just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
