Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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