Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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