the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
