so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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