Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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