Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
