I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she told me i tasted like america
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
