Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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