If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize