Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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