My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
