basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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