her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
