I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
