I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
