Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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