All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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