i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Randomize
