Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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