apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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