Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
worst night to have a conscience
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
