awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
