i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
