how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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