So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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