at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
