I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
