why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
