After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
