I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
