Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
