Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
this hospital has no fireball
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
