"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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