if you like me you must not know who I am
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
