Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
