She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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