I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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