We need to rekindle our bromance
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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