this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
