"it" just moved
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
