you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
How naked do you want me to be?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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