I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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