hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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