So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
