remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
