"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
