oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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