Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
