Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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