Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
