If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
