i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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