He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
