I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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