we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
