How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
