i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
