if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
