just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
