How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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