she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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