saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
