I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
