I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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