someone owes me an orgasm
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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