hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
