Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
